TANK-如果我變成回憶MV



a very meaningful song....i feel like crying whenever i listen to this song....makes me wonder about life and the people around me...what if one day we suddenly lose the loves of our life?i really cant imagine any of that though i know all things all lives come to an end eventually....

finally all hopes are gone...now i can only pray that things will start turnig for the better...

am thinking should i actually go back to poly or should i work and pay for pte uni myself...my dad was telling mi he wouldn want to pay for me and ask me to go back to poly to study...sian if only and if only...

realised one thing...very very true thing...in this world there is no such thing as forever love...i believe so now..no matter how good guys are to me now i am wary of everyone of them...they can say till they will die without me or that they love me so much yet evry single word cant be trusted because it's shown and proven people heal quickly from their wounds thought they claim to be so damn miserable...

love is never there...i guess there can never be too...

got kick outta school le....haiz knew this kinda thing would happen but when it did still cant help but feel disappointed by it...dad ask me to appeal and i did...e prof called n asked to meet me thought i had a chance but in the end he asked me over to give me a big N.O and to 'insult' me...

feel as though i am a real idiot with no brains after what he said...felt as though i really am stupid. maybe i really am...'

now i am really losing my way in life...i dont know what i should do and how i should carry on life from here already...i am really feeling depressed.why do bad things have to all come at one go..

i guess i have to start reflecting on my life from now on..

G.O.N.E

till today....this very moment...i've realised one thing....he do not understand me at all....all the things he known about seems to be superficial yet not what i am thinking....never mind anyhow for it is all over now ^^

i;m worried...i have a very bad feeling....i think i will get kicked out of school....what should i do if it really happens....i am feeling lost and very very lost right now.....godd i seem to have ruin my life...

a new year with a new age....a new step into a new chapter....n a new him...though we are not officially considered a couple because i told him i still need to reconsider a new relationship...but his efforts spent on me is something i really want to thank him for...for letting me know there is still someone out there who is willing to love me and treasure me...

i am still nursing myself...i have not gotten anything off my back...the past is still making me unable to trust people or let myself open up to anybody anymore...
its true i haven put everything down behind me, i know i cant because i've seen too much that i didn want to go through...i am learning how to adapt to a new life free from everything...i dont want any burdens tied to me nor committ myself to anybody or anything...for now i truly want my friends...i want to have time to know more friends and keep the olds...

i miss the times going on holidays with the girls and schoolmates..this coming june i'm going to hk!!was sooo happy initially until the H1N1 virus came along...sian stoopid virus comes at the wrong time..i really want this time off from everything here and make sure i have some time where nobody is able to contact me or find me anywhere....at least i get time for myself away from this scary world....

i am feeling very vexed...i dont want to go back to the life i;ve had for the past 2 years i know if i do i will surely break down...no amount of words alone is able to convince a person anything or make wounds heal...promises can be broken and lies can be told so there is no way words alone is able to convince me of anything anymore...he says i am heartless but please think it over carefully what made me to be what i am today?you think i love this change in me?for having to put up a guard on everybody?all these incidents have made me known a fact that even friends betrays you when they want to get what they want..people may befriend you for a motive..even the person you trust the most cant be trusted anymore...

some people never realise once some things are lost, they can never be found again...trust cant be built overnight dont expect me to forgive betrayals overnight too...you do it onto me once i can forgive but i wont forget...for the second time i may or may not forgive but continuous hurts hurl on me i will never ever forgive or forget what you've done...

say i am childish say i am unreasonable say i am heartless say whatever you want for i am too tired to be bothered anymore...you aren the only one nursing a wound now...you aren the one who is facing problems now...you expect me to understand n give in to your requests?i am finding it a little hard for my heart really died on you...i wish to be friends for us to start all over again as good friends but you keep finding things to piss me off...

i am tired just as much as you are....i want to start loving myself and stop thinking for others for just this one time...

thinking alot....hadn been able to sleep well for the past few nights....even till the extend of not sleeping from yesterday night yet still dont feel tired at all....hahahas i guess its time to recover all the time i've lost for the past few months or years grieving over nonsense...

the other party also dont even know what i am feeling yet i'm here making myself look stoopid and crazy...

now i wonder why the person whom i trusted the most seem to guard against me the most...i had no idea such a thing could happen between couples...if even your most trusted person cant be trusted too then whom else should we actually believe in...

never expected things to come to such a state...never expected to see him in such a different light...

it is time to move on no matter if it is what i want or not anymore...

nobosy will understand the pain...even you dont understand how it feels like...the kind of hurt i am going through now...the situation i am facing....all big n small u will never understand or maybe u dont really bother to try to understand...if u really do care u wouldn be here doing such things onto me...living is a nightmare...worse than death...

i really do hope this year's bday celebration will be a nice one...at least to make me feel better for that little while....i am not anticipating my bday at all